Valentine Rule #1 - Red Silk Ties Stay in the Bedroom

Red Silk Ties Stay in the Bedroom

I enjoy a red silk tie as much as the next woman. Playing with power in the bedroom can be exhilarating. I'm in charge! No - you are in charge! Wait, I might still be in charge even though I can't move my hands? AH HA! I know, some of you are thinking to yourself, "I don't know if I am into bondage!" But I bet you're into it more than you know - just maybe not in the bedroom.

Most relationships experience a high degree of what I call Soul Bondage. A series of strapping and trappings that collect over years of unspoken and often unconscious agreements that leave partners feeling powerless.

Agreements like,

  • Now that we are married, you can never change. (Strap!)
  • I don't want to deal with any unpleasantness, so put a lid on your thoughts & feelings (Strap!)
  • You are capable and positive and you need to stay that way so that I can stay grumpy and withdrawn because it makes you feel useful to rescue me. (Double Strap!)

The problem is that this kind of unconscious Soul Bondage is so common that it is considered a a normal relationship.

The "normal" relationship starts off by hiding all qualities about yourself that you have judged as not loveable thus hooking your partner with an illusion. We only want to see the best in the other and dream of a perfect future with our insecurity-based needs at the epicenter, like a child playing games with dolls.

After years we can become buried under so many bindings that we become a flat & irrelevant character in the story of our own life.

We get stuck playing the role of "Good Wife" "Strong Person" "Patient Martyr" or "Devoted Family Man." Over time, we can mistake who we are with the role we are playing. Everything becomes dependent upon our ability to play these boring flat characters and an incredible anxiety of being discovered as a fake takes over.

The only way out of Soul Bondage is become the free wheeling multifaceted hero of your own life story. I mean really - isn't that so much more fun?!

Start the exciting journey to grow, discover and
share the truth of who you are as it changes throughout your life.

Explore the many facets of yourself with the curiosity of a fevered lover!

  • What feels good to your body?
  • What makes your soul sing?
  • What makes your mind ponder?
  • What makes your heart ache?
  • What makes you laugh 100% every time?
  • How much can you feel at one time?
  • Where are your limits and boundaries?

Go find out! You are changing every day so it's worth asking these questions often.

The greatest Valentine gift you can give your partner is to share the intimate details of your inward journey. Share all of the messy, quirky, delicious details!

The second best gift is to invite your partner to do the same. This is a spiritually grown up relationship where each is free to discover, roam, grow and celebrate the wild journey with each other.

So, keep the red silk ties in the bedroom, and play games of discovery with reckless abandon.

But don't tie up your partner in roles and expectations - it totally ruins all the fun! 

Natalie GriffinComment